My Online Dating Profile

I recently explored the possibility of online dating. Ahh the wonderful world of online dating. First I had to come up with a profile. Not just any profile but one that would stand out against ALL the rest. I came up with the following:


Name:
Darkangelo

Headliner:
I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked

Description:

40ish-year-old man
Tucson, Arizona, United States
Seeking women 23ish-39ish (i'm an ish kind of guy)
Within 3 miles of nearest Starbucks, Tucson, Arizona, United States

Relationships: Divorced

Have kids: None that I know of

Want kids: Someday (2) need someone to mow the lawn

Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

Body type: Athletic and toned

Height: 5'8 depending on the shoes

Religion: Spiritual but not religious

Smoke: No Way

Drink: Social drinker, maybe ten or twelve


About me and who I'm looking for:

In my spare time, I wonder what I would do if I had spare time. I am a quiet person that some mistake for slow. Okay...I'm not that quiet. Alright...I'm not quiet at all. When I'm not pretending to be myself, you can find me either counting spilled toothpicks in a small town diner or showing up for blind dates that aren't mine. I'm the product of cheap whiskey and 3 chord country music. My favorite sport besides touching myself is shaving cream whiffle ball. By day I'm a respected proprietor, by night ...I'm asleep. Currently I'm working on a better way to ship Styrofoam. I recently published a book about failures. It didn't sell. I consider it a success. My life goals include; coming up with another word for thesaurus; finding out what the best thing was "BEFORE" sliced bread; and finding someone to connect with! Most importantly I'm looking for someone to help me fold that damn bottom sheet!

Ok...it's like this. Ya know that guy that says hello to you when you are getting your mail at your apartment complex? Or how about that guy you are in line next to that lets you use his fry's card so you can get a discount at the grocery store? Or perhaps the one you see every morning going to your car to leave for work? I'm that guy! Perhaps if we talked to one another every now and then we all wouldn't be on here looking for something that is most likely right under our noses.

And for those of you that are choosing NOT to include a photo? You are only confirming our worst fears. You're here for a reason no? Its like, "Look at me! ...or ...don't"?

For fun:
I enjoy hiding in department store clothes racks and whispering "pick me... pick me!" when people browse them.
In addition I like to hike, play tennis, ride my mountain bike, take my pugs to the park, play guitar, watch a good movie at home or read.

Favorite hot spots:
I'm particularly fond of that place between where I've been and where I'm going.

Favorite things:
Favorite color is Indigo. I don't know why. I just like the way it sounds. I-n-d-i-g-o. I don't watch a lot of TV but my tastes are rather varied in this area. I LOVE to laugh but also enjoy Discovery channel, History channel etc.

Last read:
Does your profile count?

What's not to love? I have the number one profile on the site when not compared to any other profile.

Now after a quick search into what women were looking for, I came up with some common traits. Women seem to be looking for men that are rugged yet sensitive, responsible and take care of business, yet funny. They are looking for men that dress up well but like to dress it down every once in a while. Yep, it seems they are all looking for pretty much the same type: A Rodeo Clown!